God that’s so gay! Yes, that shirt…..

I clearly didn’t get the memo at work today, that certain shirts are now making love to each other, holding hands and fighting for the basic human right of marriage – I thought it was only the LGBT community who were fighting that battle, but according to the young lads at work there are other minorities. Oh no just those questionable shirts (that a gay man wouldn’t be seen dead in might I add) but liking Bruno Mars actually means you want to put him in a sling and fist him violently. Yet, they didn’t seem to bat an eye lid especially when I walked out from behind a shelf. Was it me, or has the work place become more and more homophobic, perhaps in a more submissive and subtle way yet it felt that homophobia was rife – the previous week play fighting turned into name calling, ‘push that queer’ was shouted out. When I told the member of staff to apologize to one of my fellow homosexual co-worker who it was directed at, he refused and laughed at me. Is this normal? Lets put this into context, if I made even the smallest comments about someone’s ethnic background, I no doubt would be hurled into the office and handed a P45 quicker than I could sing Do-Re-Mi.

I will always confront homophobia, yet I feel that I let it lie too much. Knowing all too well I should indeed speak to certain line managers about the ‘colorful’ use of gay in a derogatory manner but I always find put off by not knowing how they are going to react. I indeed may take offense to it, but it doesn’t mean they would do something about it, I can see them now just laughing it off and telling me to stop being so dramatic! Does this make it right or am I just trying to pick a fight about something that should be swept under the carpet and forgotten? It would appear that this is the attitude taken by the LGBT community towards hate crime. Growing up, you are subjected to verbal and physical violence and somehow you come to terms that your life will always be like this, and perhaps this is why we just accept what is hurled at us – but does this make it right?

Once again, I have performed one of my infamous tangents that are becoming far too regular – I will try and get back on track with this. In essence, I think the contemporary society’s use of slang words such as gay, queer and faggot are used too much, it has become a low level form homophobia, that the LGBT community become so used too in growing up – this almost inhibits us, to a point where we don’t report hate crimes. Many people see ‘gay’ as another word when used in a derogatory manner, and the fact that it is used in a non-positive manner isn’t constructive in anyway shape or form. This was the response I got from the guys today when they were describing anything they didn’t like as gay.

‘Oh we don’t mean that type of gay, just the other type’ 

I didn’t even realise that there were two types of gay? Sometimes I wonder what year we are in, 2012 – more like 1963……

Deep breath, and rant over! I will leave you with two little clips from the fabulous Pink, Past & Present.

So there is a cure for homosexuality but not the common cold…..where is the miracle in that?

I stand gormless on the tube still trying to take everything in. Being pushed in front of by a man in his late twenties badly dressed only infuriated me more. He had just got on the tube and was fighting the other passengers for a seat. I asserted my presence and made him realise who was boss and he backed down. My mind dropped back into the previous trail of thought – I was still slightly amazed by the story I had read in the guardian only half an hour before. Christian group ‘Core issues’ had paid TFL to have adverts on london buses claiming that they were able to cure homosexuality, luckily this was aborted. There was an outbreak of twitter fever as this had started to trent, tweets being retweeted by gay charities and gay rights activists. The advert was a poor imitation of stonewall’s advert that had been featured on the iconic london buses – some people are gay get over it.

It would seem that the basic human right of equality was getting further out of the reach of this LGBT community. Granted, you cannot argue that gay rights have moved on from the 60s but why do we still have to fight for it? As I get older, I feel that I am becoming more aware of my sexuality and the lack of a basic right. Kissing your boyfriend in public can make you feel awkward, like you are being judged and right wing parents are shielding their children’s eyes. Even the simple action of holding someone’s hand will get a raised eyebrow (or a fist depending where you are) to top it off I am getting fed up of the standard interview questions you are bombarded with when someone realises you are gay.

Straight man/woman: Have you always known you were gay?

Me (depending on my mood you will get one of the following:

 1)Yes.

2) When I was being sucked off.

The truth being in the former, I have always known I am gay but is it really that relevant? I am proud to be gay, but sometimes I feel I am no more than an animal in a petting zoo. Do straight men and women have to justify their sexual preference to me or even to society? So when did you realise you were straight or how old were you when you told your parents? Those words are never uttered by society.

The last time I had a series of interview questions was a few weeks ago, I was out with the girls and had been introduced to a guy she was dating. The standard ‘gay’ interview questions soon fell out of his mouth, because he ‘found it interesting.’ Why does my sexuality and life style become the focus? He didn’t even ask me where I worked or even if I was having a good night. But I guess visitors don’t ask how the lions are in london zoo they just want to see them recreate a scene from Disney’s Lion King. Even the word that is used to describe my sexual preference is used in a belittling manner or to describe something rotten or inferior. This has become a slang word, acceptable to most yet I find it subtlety homophobic. You might as well just call everyone a fag while you are at it, I don’t see the difference.

So do I need curing? The Christian group claimed it was therapy for Christian homosexuals who voluntarily seek change in their sexual preference and expression. This voodoo cure won’t do anyone any good –  the only reason people feel they want to make that sort of change in their life is down to society’s views on homosexuality and the pressure that a community and family had put on these individuals. I was lucky when I came out, it was painless….ok two of my friends choked on their dinner and that wasn’t out of shock. They had been waiting for me to feel comfortable to talk about my choices. It is a big step to take, you never really know how friends or family will react and I have heard some horrific stories of friends being thrown out on the streets and disowned because of their sexual preferences. So perhaps these Christian groups should spend their money on supporting LGBT individuals through coming out and offering them a good christian hand and love. Instead of condemning us to hell for a life style we did not choose, but a lifestyle we indeed accept. There are far greater evils in this world than a man kissing a man……

who runs the world……..gays

The joys of shuffle on my itunes meant that I have once again been inspired – though I wasn’t expecting Beyonce to be my muse this morning, but these were the cards I had been dealt by the blogging gods and I shouldn’t complain. Behind every strong woman there is a gay……or several thousand in the case of Lady Gaga, Madonna and Esther Rantzen. (That is a very long story, that involves my birthday, a drag queen and bingo but lets not go there!) Do I really want to discuss about gay icons to the masses that have lead to Mugler’s profile being raised, and an army of twinky clones caked in bobby brown being created? Clearly not, I would rather talk about people who have influenced me and who are gay, who knows I may even put on my gay activist hat on and rant even more than I usually do…..a first I know!

This is attempt five now of writing this blog entry, I could go so many different angles with this – I could indulge you with how I came out, nearly making my best friend choke on her pizza, which would have led to a rather embarrassing trip to A+E (luckily it didn’t) or the time I had to introduce two men I was dating to each other, and then of course the time I threw up after kissing a guy. Those awkward and embarrassing stories will have to wait, for today I feel it only right to remember those who I have been blessed enough to meet, and then perhaps a rant at the end about gay rights! It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t swear, share embarrassing stories or complain about something!

I cast my mind back to being a student, the first time I could be comfortably out and not worry about being burnt at the stake or pelted with stones by the inhabitants of what I thought were a backwards town. I was quickly seduced by the dirty glamour of Liverpool’s gay scene, learning to go toe to toe with drag queen in a slagging match, having the lines of those iconic cabaret songs and dance steps forced down my throat – it was a world hidden to me and I wanted to embrace what I so thought meant being gay. I had a string of men on the go, blinded by the disco balls I was out almost every night, getting up to all sorts. Liverpool was a cheap night out, a twenty pound note would get you so drunk you could barely see, a takeaway and a taxi home. (In london you can struggle to buy a round for that!) My life revolved around being a gay man, part of what I saw as a community but fuck me how wrong could I have been. I mean I like having three day parties like anyone, a good disco dance until first light only to go to a house party and collapse in someone’s bed for a comforting cuddle and guaranteed cup of tea in the morning. Personally being gay isn’t about providing entertainment for the masses, being a minority or conforming to a type.

Thankfully I quickly learnt what it meant for me to be a gay man and I was lucky enough to share a studio with a fabulous man who I call my Uncle Timmy. A gentleman in his 50s, who perhaps is one of the funniest men I have ever met; he has a heart of gold and a brain that would go toe to toe with Einstein. Well maybe not Einstein, but someone stupidly intelligent like…..Stephen Fry! I always look back at those conversations that we shared in the badly heated art school studio of how he met his partner John in a petrol station, how they thought the spread of AIDS in the 80s was down to poppers, and how his generation had to fight for the basic rights I sometimes took for granted.

Now picking someone up in the late 60s was dangerous, just because homosexuality became legal didn’t mean it was still safe to be openly gay – I think a lot of the younger gay generation forget the hardships that these men and women went through. The wonders of the internet has revolutionised how we can pick guys up, websites such as gaydar, and iphone apps like Grindr have made it a lot easier to date someone, pick up for a bit of fun or even develop friendship. Back in the day, you had to slip in a clever choice of words (a secret code was actually developed to help identify other gay men and women), but still you had to be able to read a situation, and read a person – it required more intelligence than animal instinct. Over the next three years of art school, not only did I develop an ever lasting friendship with Tim and John, I also learnt so much about my gay heritage and what it meant to be part of a gay community instead of my initial selfish understanding of my sexuality, this was a priceless education that I feel should be delivered to all. Awareness reduces ignorance, after this morning’s news feed update on twitter and a glance at the front page of my dad’s paper this couldn’t be more of an apt time to write about this. Catholic leader Cardinal Keith ‘O’ Brien (who sounds pretty old school and is very influential in the catholic church) has started what can only be described as a witch hunt, claiming that same sex marriage will shame the UK in the eyes of the world, and that the government should stop trying to ‘redefine reality’. He sees the  government’s plans for gay marriage as “madness” and a “grotesque subversion of a universally accepted human right”.

I stare out of the window, looking at the snow (yes snow in march – don’t ask!) and fondly remember the chats over cups of tea with Uncle Tim. When ever I think of him and John I just think of two people in love. Sexuality and gender never came into it, they were two people who just fell in love – a basic right that should never be taken away from anyone. I am shocked by the barbaric language used by the cardinal, its not the middle ages love so pipe down! LGBT legal rights have come so far in the last 40 years yes there is still a lot of leg work to do within our society. Such open taunting from the Catholic church will only cause a backlash, which isn’t what I want to see – far from it. I would rather see this minority group be accepted and viewed with the basic human rights that my Uncle Timmy and John, like so many fought for.

Sadly John passed away in 2010, he is missed by his friends and I have amazing memories of him, I just hope what he fought for won’t become forgotten.

As a closing note I think it only right to praise also the documentary work of homotopia arts festival, it interviewed members of the LGBT community in Liverpool recording the roller-coaster ride that the community has faced over the decades – with this they produced a film that was shown during the arts festival . Also highly recommend the film Milk – it shows the strength of the pink pound, and what a community can achieve together. The stonewall riots, the AIDS epidemic, numerous police brawls and the witch hunt that the worlds media conducted aren’t just part of LGBT history, they are a part of everyone’s history, a history that is at some points shameful but shouldn’t be hidden and one that I am proud to be a part of. This is how we can start tackling the ignorance in our society but only together……